People say “this was the scariest…” a lot, but I mean it. Getting lost in the forests of the Pacific Northwest was the scariest thing that ever happened to me.

We were on an official trail when we came upon a huge tree that fell down and blocked it. We went off the trail to go around the tree, and 30 seconds later we were lost. The feeling was panicky, but also I wanted to move my bowels. Over and over again, I had the urge to poop.

Over on the other end of my body I was ugly crying and apologizing for taking us on this hike. It’s a truly terrifying feeling to be cut off from help, when the only hope of getting back to civilization is following a creek downhill and hoping for the best — while trying to avoid getting shot on someone’s private property.

I don’t even remember how my partner found the trail, but I do remember the feeling I got when I saw the car at the trailhead. Even pollution is a welcome sign when you’re alone in grizzly country.